From Russia With Sisu

Finland is widely known to be the least corrupt country on the planet, and it is generally up there statistic wise, along with South Korea, in being about the best educated and statistically most humane societies on the planet.

I appreciate many aspects of Finland, and have made a few friends in my visits, some of who live out in the countryside.

So I arrived for some beautiful weather, where we picked all kinds of the best berries I have ever had in my life, shot slingshots and bows and arrows, while drunk on the amount of beer in Australia that would have me floored.

We ate roasted salmon over the fire and other treats.... then one of the group decided that it was time for one of the three big roosters to go, as he was the one crowing all the time and driving everyone nuts, the one they called "Albert Hoffman"

This happens while I am telling my tale around the fire of being drug tested by Finnish police last year after a minor car incident (no damage to the car) and telling the police I take drugs when they ask me if I do, which people find quite amusing and disturbing, as that is something nobody would EVER do here!

So I didn't finish my story, because the big rooster had been grabbed and was taken behind the shed to have its throat cut! I had never seen this happen before... even being a farm boy myself. The way the dead rooster moved and tried to get away from being held down seemed very conscious to me, like it wasn't just nerves, that there was still a sentience there. We all moved on from this however in a short time.

The guys all put on a sauna, and I entered last, and probably it could have been perceived a big faux pas wearing swimmers (maybe it is the only known faux pas to exist in Finland), with half a dozen other guys naked. BUT, my bathers featured pictures of Andy Warholish roosters on them, which they all found amusing!

Unfortunately, I left my camera at my friend’s house there... which is really sad, and I knew then how sad it would be, as I would not be able to photograph my Russian journey. I thought I could maybe buy a cheap camera, but nothing would be able to replace the quality of my Canon G9.

So, my previous days in Europe had been mixed, and I found myself delayed and frustrated by flights, people and circumstance. Europe is hard for me at times. It is not a land that generally really nourishes my soul lets say, it is more a place I come to understand and appreciate some different cultures of the white people.

So my plan was always to go to Siberia for this Eclipse and an outdoor music festival in the Altai Mountains. A few friends from Australia said they were going some time ago, and I felt guided to go and saw it as an opportunity to experience Russia and also Siberia first hand.

So the next day, I took a very cheap flight to Moscow on Aeroflot. I had always wanted to fly Aeroflot. It was the airline my mother used to say was the one of the worst, if not the worst, along with Garuda (the Indonesian airline)

The "toilets" were very smelly, and the airhostesses were very nonchalant to say the least! They were even curt and ordering you to “put up” and “put down” the blinds! However, there were only about 10 other people on the flight.

Arriving in the Airport in Moscow, I could tell right away just how different it was going to be being here.

I had traveled throughout the Baltic States and also Poland, Czechoslovakia and Hungary in 1993. So I kind of knew what the old "Soviet Union" was like, and those journeys brought me to really heavily reflect and write about what had become of Marx’s ideas.

The Baltic States in particular was really only just emerging out of soviet ness - people were very poor, lining up for soap or milk all around the block. It was a very raw experience, just experiencing this culture still casting its shadows back into the days of the Soviet Union.

Literally, it was me with the peasants on the train with the chickens and baskets full of mushrooms! To get the Visa’s to these countries I often had to see the Ambassador himself and he would give a stamp and I would give him $50 US.

So this was all an eye opener... being there, even after a short time, I WANTED the tawdry glow of MTV too! I became one of the people staring at the Televisions in one of the few shops that actually sold them.

Those travels are a whole other story and I really got an understanding of what this way of life had meant for the people living in those countries. But what I remember best, was this moment I had in Latvia... watching the old men read newspapers on stands, thinking that it will take such a long time for these people to recover from this. Even then, I didn't see too much hope in the people, there was so much depression and a gray fog that surrounded everything.

It all seemed so hopeless at times.

I saw the people like Animals who had been trained without any rewards, and only with punishment and abuse.

And that is not something you knock out of an animal or a human, very easily.

At the old style soviet hotel I stayed in, (not for Kitsch value I assure you, which was however immense, but for the price and location!) the Babushka behind the desk would not even tell me how much I owed her for the room. She just laughed at me, or herself. I couldn't tell. She just seemed really quite mad.

Everywhere was this smell, I couldn't quite define it, maybe it seeped from people's pores? or it was unwashed smell? Or maybe it was this cleaning agent they used?

I could never tell.

But also, I remember this VERY funky bar I went to in Latvia playing John Peel's radio show live and experiencing this impressive emerging art scene in Lithuania - already, there was surfacing some uniqueness among the dross and fallout of the ex-Soviet Union.

So anyway, I knew the sort of gig I had to deal with. People who spoke almost no English and a whole lot of problems figuring out where to go and what to do! And at that point, dealing with the "mafia" was a real issue, who seemed to own or control anything of much significance, who wielded finger chopping butchers knives used to punish those who did not comply with their demands.

So now, it was clearly time to check into this brave new Russia, a call I could deny no longer!

The first thing that strikes you about Moscow is yes, a lot of grey apartment blocks, but the light is different to how you think it is. Somehow it is not as drab as you may have thought that it is.

Immediately, I felt a certain spirit here. Sometimes I think a country, a land, is at its nicest to you when you meet it first... definitely first impressions count!

What I felt was a kind of romantic spirit moving through the land, a strange peace perhaps. And I wasn't expecting that, but to be assaulted by the residues of Ivan the Terrible's or the Tartars torments or something like that.

When I arrived at the central station too, I went upstairs to a waiting room, trying to find somewhere to put my bag! And there were all these people just sitting down in there, largely silent and still. And this peace was there. I wish I had camera and I would have been able to communicate a sense of this through an image!

So I gave up trying to store my bag and now I have a mission, find somewhere that will register my visa invitation! Usually, your hotel would register it for you, but I wasn't staying in a hotel, but flying straight to Siberia early tonight! So knowing how tricky it is to get things like this done in a foreign city, I was in a bit of a rush!

So I looked around for a taxi driver and found one who looked relatively humble, and gave him an address of this place I had found in the Lonely Planet, which said they could do this VISA registration. He fumbled for a bit and after a minute wrote down 800 roubles, which is like $35 Australian dollars. I told him no way, that's too expensive, and he wrote down 700 rouble! My guide said a trip around town should cost 100-150 rouble... so then I went to find another driver.

I find this group of drivers who seem to be locked in by other cars, just standing around. I hope one of them will understand where this address is. They do, and I ask for a price. They say 50 roubles. I am a bit astounded - that is a bit TOO CHEAP! And I don't say anything for a while. But then, say, "50 roubles?"
And the man says, "Yes".

Well, I guess it looks like they are getting NO customers here. As far as I know this place is around the corner... it is plausible... and look at their cars! These little brown soviet beasties that look like they spawned from the 1950's.

My driver looks friendly enough, but it is hard to tell you know. I am thinking as we drive past gigantic sky piercing Stalinist buildings and parks and through the stripped down military industrial maelstrom of Moscow.... 50 roubles? Maybe I should give him 60 roubles? 70? I even feel a bit sorry for the guy, his brown beastie needs choke a lot of the time to stop from conking out.

After about 10 minutes, we arrive, on this huge, long boulevard, and he points and there it is... a non-descript tourist agency. So I hand the driver the 60 roubles. Very soon it is very easy to tell there has been a miscommunication!

I don't think this guy could have acted out his blood boiling the way it did. Even though I have seen actors in movies depicting Russian men boiling their blood in this way, it was quite something else to experience first hand! He was literally fizzing and spitting red rage. And then he began SHOUTING at me in Russian and I'm a bit concerned he is going to do something drastic.

Then I remember Moscow is supposed to be (or definitely IS) the most expensive city in the world.

So then, I tried to calm him down, but he had already overheated, the head gasket was already cracked it seemed and still I felt like... maybe he really is acting?

As far as I could ascertain, he thought we was getting $50 U.S. for the journey!

And there was no way I was going to pay that, which is like 2400 roubles!

So I said, write down how much you want and he wrote down 1000 roubles. I said, 700. He went even more spastic at me. As far as I can tell he is threatening to call the police, or perhaps some mafia friends and just drive away with me and my luggage - which is in the boot!

At one point, I put my hand on his shoulder and tell him to calm down and not to worry about this, why make a big deal out of it?

What you come to realise is that a lot of people here are really cracked... mostly the men, who have a life expectancy of 60, whereas the women have a life expectancy of 74! Just too much drinking and life full of unreasonable misery.

So I felt sorry for the guy, he's virtually giving himself a heart attack after trying to rip off a foreigner as if that's is really going to help his cause and he just looks like a wreck.

I maintain my offer of 700 and just sit there for a minute in standoff mode. Then I offer him 800 and he accepts, and suddenly he is like a baby, his anger is totally gone, he is really respectful and quiet, takes my luggage out of the boot carefully, says thank you, softly mumbles what I interpret as some very mild pleasantries and off he goes.

I tell him as he backs off in the little brown beastie, "Remember, it is only money!"

Then I get to this tourist agency and meet this most friendly man, about 40, wearing black cowboy boots. I tell him I took a taxi here and he says, "well, you probably spent a lot of money then!"

He tells me it is not possible for them to register visa's anymore and I have to go to the original office where I had my visa registered (which was through the internet) He is very kind and gives me a detailed photocopied map and instructions on how to get there, as it is quite tricky.

So I take my bag and hoof it to the metro. The metro is very impressive, huge elevators take you down past classic soviet era art and stations themselves are like artwork themselves, living with people, who altogether are singing this baritone song in their movements. It’s really something else.

Then I finally arrive at the office I am supposed to be at, and there they do all my Visa registration. I am quite flustered at this point, hauling my quite heavy bag around and deciphering the metro stations and map names – nothing here is in English.

So when I leave the office, I actually fall right over a chair! Which is something I have never done before, and I can only laugh, as it is so ridiculous. But the ladies at the office look really concerned, at this strange, flustered person who says they are going camping out in the Altai Mountains... and the woman says, "Take Care! Take Care!"

So then I quickly find the subway where you can take the express train to Domodeveyo airport, 40km south of Moscow, where I am to take my flight to Novosibirsk in Siberia.

A friend who had flown with Air Siberia told me they sucked, but I thought they were quite good, with best web site I have ever used - very useable. The flight is actually a bit less than four hours, so we leave at 8pm and arrive at 4am in Novosibirsk.

It was quite light when I arrived in the morning, and the obviously quite new Airport looked very futuristic.

I got on the first bus I saw and headed out into the city.

The city was very stark, with lots of big wide-open spaces of concrete, strange Cyrillic signs everywhere above the huge concrete buildings.

By this time it is about 7am, and I try to find a train to Barnaul. It turns out there is only one a day, which I thought was weird, because Barnaul has a population of 500,000 people and is only 250 kilometers away.

So being the masochist I am, and unwilling to risk another dodgy taxi driver, (unfortunately, I was not able to see any obviously upstanding and ethical drivers anywhere on the square) I decide to haul my bag across town to the bus station.

Luckily I have my Lonely Planet to the Guide to the Siberian Railway (thanks to my sister Sarah, who works for Lonely Planet), which includes a map of Novosibirsk.

What I notice is how quiet this city is, there is something very peaceful about it and I don't think it is just because it is so early, because there are still quite a lot of cars careening around.

There is something very different about this place, some of the buildings display an unusual and quite colorful local architecture, which reminds me of appendages and rounded natural forms. (The best examples of this architecture is said to be in the city of Tomsk, 250 km northeast of Novosibirsk, which I unfortunately don't have time to visit!)

The people seem quite relaxed, and move across all this spaciousness in a very easy way. I have been told that Siberians, being the colonists they are, are not dissimilar to Australians in many ways. Having space, and more space than you need, I think really frees something up in the psyche and makes for a more easy going peoples I think.

Later, I was told Novosibirsk, is known for its interesting nightlife, and I met a dj in Moscow who gets paid 1000 euros to play a gig there! Also, some of the young people I saw out of the airport and on the street seemed to possess a very unique clothing style and also their appearance seemed much softer and rounded than your average Muscovite, or typical "Russian".

Not many people know that Novosibirsk is the third largest city in the Russian Federation, and also was one of the main centers of intellectual and especially, scientific research, of the ex-Soviet Union.

So I get to the Bus Station, which is largely outdoor and very simple. I then manage to buy a ticket with the help of a woman who speaks broken English, in order to get to Barnaul.

At the bus station, I remember just sitting there among the people... feeling this immense peace in the morning... there is a tangible stillness in the people, like a flock of pidgeons.

Rarely have I ever felt so comfortable among other human beings, these quite poor people, sitting on the dirty benches and small rock walls scattered with rubbish and cigarette butts.

And time flowed by the white breast of their waiting.

The bus ride is very pleasant, and the day heats up quite considerably, brining the temperature up to 35 Celsius. I know this is a surprise to many people (even some Russians!), who consider Siberia cold, but this is just a typical summer day in southern Siberia!

The landscape is largely flat, but also rollicking and changeable; in that some of it is a kind of forest and some of it is farmland. Sometimes, I get the feeling like I had when I was in the Amazon, being in the centre of a vast amount of land and space and nature. I saw there was a diversity of plants, which I was not expecting.

I mean, most people think of Siberia as being this flat permafrost... which is not really true, only when you get right up north. If you look at a map, all the main populated areas of Siberia are pretty much along the Trans-Siberian railway, (which first allowed the place to be inhabited by Russians in the late 19th Century) which sort of skirts along the southerly most parts of Russia all the way to Vladistock on the coast near Japan.

There was no toilet on the bus, but nobody seemed to need it, including me.

Once we stopped for a meal break at this tacky, crazy roadside Texas style diner, of which there were many on this road.

As I am sitting outside the diner, a middle-aged man approaches me and he looks like a Texan, with a big cowboy hat and huge mustache. He is wearing a "Deep Purple" t-shirt. Surprisingly, he speaks English and is interested to know where I am from and why I am here. (it is really obvious, these parts rarely see foreigners!)

He told me liked AC/DC, but not American music, which he said was "SHIT!"

I asked him why he spoke English so well anyway... and he evaded the subject, and his eyes veered away, but this was enough for me to know that he used to be a KGB operative!!!

He spoke to me further on the virtues of this English band, "Deep Purple" and pointed to a banner proclaiming the name of said band on the dash of his Mitsubishi Van. I said with uncertain irony, I was ashamed to say I unfamiliar with their work.

Then after further conversational riff raff, he left, onwards to Barnaul to see the eclipse as well - with moody, melodic 70's rock music blaring from his van.

The rest of the journey is uneventful, but I feel glad to be in this part of the world. I think, somehow it feels normal, and a Finnish man later told me he felt this about Siberia too. It felt like some secret, long lost heartland of the world, only known to a very small amount of people and the people who live there.

I actually have a friend who had been to Siberia before, whose work entailed extracting a product out of the Siberian Pine Needles, which are well known in that part of the world, for their superior curative properties.

Barnaul itself contained a lot of very rustic, and huge wooden houses. There are lots of pleasant old trees everywhere. The middle of the town was typically large and spread out and felt more "hippie" than Novosibirsk.

So at this point, it is 2pm or so, and I go straight to the bus station counter to find that the bus to "Ongadui" (which itself is only kilometres away from the site of the eclipse party) only leaves at 10.35am every day! So this is a bit annoying, as I was perhaps optimistically hoping to get to the party tonight!

But anyway, I store my luggage in the railway station and go off to buy some things I will need to camp at the eclipse (things I didn't want to lug with me until this point!)

The problem is, I am in a city where almost nobody speaks English, all the signs are in Cyrillic, I don't have a map of the city and there is no way to get one that I know of.

I walk down the street and it is so hot already, and the girls often wear very short mini-skirts and the old ladies sell berries and other fruit and vegetables on the side of the street

I spend a few hours walking around semi-aimlessly, while looking around. Essentially, I am looking for a camping store. But even finding an Internet cafe looks too tricky. This city is not really set up for "shops" per se, and most of "the shops", seems to inhabit what were previously mysterious beurocratic enclaves of all sorts. But there are many parks here in Barnaul and the war memorial is the most moving I have seen, with a statue of a soldier leaning on the shoulder of his woman, who is crying.

So, later, I step out on a side street following my intuition and find a camping store! I actually have to go right up to it and look in to see that it is one! And there I pick up a sleeping back and inflatable mattress for 1400 roubles. (about $60-70 AU)

Having achieved my mission, I find a hotel room which is not too bad! and stay the night in Barnaul.

In the morning, I buy my bus ticket, (write out the name of the destination in Cyrillic on a card and point!)

I think that the bus leaving bay number 10 at 10.35am is the one I want, but the woman at the bay with a clipboard just speaks to me back in Russian as I speak to her in English, which I interpret to be something vaguely negative.

The big bus goes and I hope it is not the bus I want, and is full (it looks full!), but the tone of the Russian woman with the clipboard seems to slightly indicate I am going on the right bus (maybe they are getting another bus?)

So after the big bus leaves, this white mini bus with a cracked window rocks up, with "Ongadui" in Cyrillic on its front. I didn't quite know, that where I was going was quite off the beaten track and that so few people actually went that way. It is on the Mongolian border I suppose!

The bus was ride was really great, one of the best I have ever taken in my life. However, the seat that I was assigned was in the back corner... in quite an uncomfortable seat, the red vinyl being torn and rotten!

The landscape here is just so lovely. First we move through this flatland, with fields and forests and then move into more hilly territory...which could be many places in Australia, with streams and small mountains with lots of trees.

Sitting in the bus is a motley crue, mostly young people, the boys out the front are boozing away, drinking beer out of this 2 litre plastic bottle, emblazoned with some noble insignia (hammer and sickle style!)

They speak a little English, and every so often, sway the bottle back to me and I take a few swigs. They ask where I live in Australia, in what city, Melbourne, Sydney? and I said I live in the bush, in the forest. They don't get this, so I say the word Taiga! Which means Siberian forest in Russia! and a few people on the bus laugh.

They are all very merry. Sitting in front of me is a young guy trying to get to sleep and we awaken him with our English talk and he is quite annoyed!

To my right, on the back seat is this young blonde girl, wearing the shortest shorts I ever recall seeing, these kind of red and white sporty numbers from the 70's or something!

The day is very hot and she is not all that attractive, but I can't help looking out of the corner of my eye. Her legs are very bronzed and smooth in a particular sort of Russian way. Girls here, are often very full on in how they appear. They play their sexuality HARD! The rule appears to be, if you got it, flaunt it with taste and style to the best of your ability! (I have to say, this girl lacks the taste and style of most girls I have seen here though!)

Even though I am not in the slightest bit interested in this girl, as she looks a bit mean and grumpy and really not that attractive... it is this pull she is putting out, this hard playing I am not used to, which pulls my eyes towards her legs!

So eventually, this girl is sleeping on the back seat, with her head facing me... and I offer her my jumper as a pillow, as she looks a bit uncomfortable. She kind of seems offended by my offer and ignores me.

What I don't realise, or what I had begun to realise, is that in Russia, it is considered that there is no such thing as a free lunch! That my offer of my jacket, surely implies that I am making a move on her. But would I really make a move on her? No, I don't think so!

Later, I came to work with this paradigm quite a bit, and actually give things to Russian people for free and I noticed other Russian people had found the same "trick." It works with English people too, as one of the most amusing things you can do with people there. Because they are just not used to it... it is the most unexpected thing, and it is very appreciated or you can harangue them about their cultural issues which can be quite fun.

So anyway, the embarrassing thing then is the girl gets up, and sits in the far corner and then puts her jacket over her legs, so that they are completely covered!

Good golly! What have I done!

The young man in front of me looks at the older woman sitting opposite him, who is in front of the young girl and they look at each other knowingly!

Now, I am the shamefully lustful gringo! Who has no self-control or discipline over his eyes! Why, he should pluck one out!

Seriously, they are all bemused about it. I am bemused too and can't help but smile like "The Graduate" and his newlywed!

Soon we arrive at this city called Bysk and it is funny to see billboards everywhere, and Bysk reminded me of a city in Catalonia, in Spain - quite stark and crestled in the mountains.

Then, these two girls and three boys, along with some other people get on the bus and the two girls both sit next to me filling the space between the young blonde and I.

These girls, they are the real thing, genuine "Alien Princess" Siberian girls... with sparkling pure blue eyes, expressing subtle and solid expressions of humour and kindness.

And I have to say, their legs are like nothing I have ever seen, legs that just seem to go on forever, and meet the body in this way, which is perfect and poised. The colour is this sort of bronzed, glowing healthy flesh colour - Nadia commench 10!

And they are wearing these sweet bejeweled, sandal like shoes showing flowers and jewels.

BUT, the funny thing is, I don't look!

And its not that I have learnt my lesson... it is just, they are not putting it out in the same way.

So as the journey progresses, I pull out this book I am reading... or have been reading quite slowly. A small book which is the first 57 pages of Camilla Paglia's most classic text from the early 90's, "Sex and Violence, or Nature and Art"

Here is an excerpt of what I was reading at this time:

"The Feminine is the ever-elusive, a sliver shimmering on the horizon. We follow this image with longing eyes: maybe this one, maybe this time. The pursuit of sex may conceal a dream of being freed from sex. Sex, knowledge, and power are deeply tangled; we cannot get one without the others. Islam is wise to drape women in black, for the eye is the avenue of Eros."

I hear them talking... it is like they are trying to attract my attention. And I can feel in my body... there is something going on here, an interaction on the energy level and they are aware of it! I feel my lower body, ebb and flow in response to what they are saying. And it is like they are saying it about me... I think, perhaps they have seen this girl with the jacket over her body, which is STILL there after half an hour. And they are checking me out to see if I am such a pervert! One of them, as if waves a hand in front of my face and they say, "no response!" and laugh a little bit.

And then, when they do attract my attention, just by turning on this "attractor" within... they seem to say, "you have failed the test" and I VERY distinctly feel my energy fall and flag!

This is all very unusual and not my normal sort of experience with "strangers" on a bus.

I came to feel, these Siberian people are very innately spiritually aware and like to think of them as quite different from the folks who live in Moscow or St Petersburg or elsewhere.

A few times, and I can't remember why, related to how I was talking to other people on the bus at times, I spoke English to the girls a couple of times and communicated something to them and they sort of nodded! Probably understanding something of what I am saying. Such sweet creatures!

Eventually, the girls get off the bus near a river... it all reminds me of somewhere near Murchison or Beechworth in North East Victoria.

The road at the moment is so busy... everyone is poising themselves for the eclipse and I can only imagine the girls and their boyfriends are going to see this.

As the bus moves away, one of the girls is standing quite still, looking at me in the back of the bus, and I wave to her and she waves back. Her eyes remind me of that of a Owl, and I have this sense of being seen and witnessed I do not get from many human beings, in a way that is regal and almost alien.

An Australian friend later told me that he believe that the people here are actually descended from aliens and described in some detail the different types of people and from what race they are descended from! I am not so sure what to make of this, but definitely feel that many of the Siberian people are unearthly in many ways… but maybe this is just the nature of this part of the world?

So as we continue on our bus journey, I talk more with the young man in front of me, who speaks perfect English. It turns out he is in the army and is going into the Altai Mountains (near where I am going) to do some military training with his fellow troops.

He is a very personable young man and we have some very good talks. I think we often have this idea of Russians being stiff and hard, and not personable and not friendly or open and completely humourless.

Yes, it is a hard place and you do meet these people... but it seems to me they are largely considered "cases"... and in my time in Russia, I met some of the softest, most personable, open and friendly and funny people I ever met in my time... and that is men too!

My soldier friend would take out his Nikon digital SLR and take photos of the countryside occasionally as we would cross a wide river or go over a mountain range.

At this time, I am feeling a bit jealous often, my camera having been left behind in Finland.

Soon, my soldier friend passes me an old diskette taken out of its case... and through that, he said I should look through it at the sun!

I can begin to see the eclipse already, the moon slowly encroaching upon the sun. I hand the disc back and we are given some cd's through which we can see the same thing.

It actually takes a long time for the eclipse to occur. We are all in the bus, now only 4-5 people waiting in anticipation.

I looked toward where we are going, near the Mongolian border and see clouds and wonder that maybe the people at the party will never see the eclipse! And that perhaps there is a reason why I am so late to this party. It is now Friday night, the 1st of August and the party officially ends on the 2nd, the Saturday. I figure that I can go there, and enjoy the end of the party and be with the nature there and the people that have decided to stay the weekend!

So I am not stressed about this. Originally, I was going to arrive on the Wednesday, and was hoping to make Thursday, yet anticipated going straight to the party site after getting off the bus to Barnaul!

So we stop at this service station, and I wish I had my camera to show you the photo of the three Asiatic/Mongolian men with bits of x-rays of people's bones which they were using to look at the eclipse!

Such a beautiful shot it was too - but only in my ever-receding visual memory does this photograph exist!

So on we go and I am wondering, what will happen when the eclipse comes?... will the bus keep traveling?

After about 20 minutes we stop in this village, just as the full eclipse is about to occur. The whole village is out to watch it, mostly there with their x-rays and bits of x-rays! The police are even outside the station, all the people on the street; outside of their homes, and us from the bus... it is quite a scene. Many of the people, seem to have a quite jaded Slavic like attitude, like it is no big deal, not really important and you can see them wondering why this is at all relevant?

When the eclipse comes, there is yelping and crying out... which I could not help notice the last time I experienced an eclipse at the outback eclipse party some years ago in Australia. But even with these sort of cut and dried Mongolian folk (we really are just right next to the Mongolian border), there is the same response. Even the kind of cynical bus driver looks up a bit taken off guard and various folk seem a bit taken aback by it briefly. Something primal within us cannot be not moved by this I think, when it suddenly gets quite dark and the sun is gone... just gone... leaving only a corona where you can suddenly see the flames jumping out from around the moon which reveals the sun as a flaming combustible orb!

Actually, for me, I had seen this before. Someone not so gently reminded me later, there are energies associated with an event like this which I had completely forgotten at the time, but I think knew deeply. It feels like being strangely photographed, being in this moment of alignment between these two (or three) celestial bodies and what connection do they have? If gravity is invisible, what other forces bind these celestial bodies? Forces that are not easily understood by the human form in any of its senses or assertations I think. (typical human arrogance rules!)

And then the sun flashes out from behind the moon and there was light once again, and suddenly everything is back to normal. And we all get back on the bus and the journey proceeds.

So this was at around 5pm, and a couple of hours later, there is a change in the landscape... it feels free and clear, less congested and more like we are really now in the sticks. Before, there were lots of cars, villages, little shops, roadside stalls and assorted Russian monuments that people surround their civilisation. And then the landscape changes, and lacks all the accoutrements of civilisation.

At 8.30pm, I get out of the bus with my big bag, next to the river, in Ongadui, and wonder how I am going to find this festival? I walk up the main street and all the "Mongolian" locals are looking at me and I enter the one and only shop I see open.

In there, is this woman in her 30's speaking Spanglish to the woman in the general store, buying up beer and other food items. I approach her and ask her if she knows how I can to the festival? She says she heard about it from someone she meet, but she is just staying at the local hotel here, and only here for the eclipse, not the festival!

I thank her, buy a few things to eat and go out the shop, wondering what to do next. Then I see a group of about 5-6 young people about 100 metres away and rush over to them with my bag. I must look quite crazy to them, and I ask them if they know how to get to the festival?

They turn out to be all Russian and I assume they are festival goers, but they later tell me, they are in fact local Siberians who could not afford to go to the festival, but have camped nearby the festival site.

They don't readily want to speak English (there are heaps of people in the world, who speak good enough English, but are afraid to speak it!), but eventually they tell me they can take me to where the festival base site is and that it is a 40 minute walk.

My big suitcase with four wheels is now providing to be quite a hindrance, especially when we go on dirt roads. The handle has been broken since Helsinki, meaning it has been especially troublesome to take anywhere and I never bought a backpack like I should have and even planned to, for this mission!

Suddenly, the wheels start overheating and burn away, just worn out through the road.

These Siberian kids are just so beautiful. They hitched from many of hundreds of kilometres away, and possess such a humility and balanced enthusiasm for life.

The clothes they wear are just so with it and show so much effort and thought, everything they do is just with this sincerity and good cheer that I feel like a bit of spoilt grouch, who is able to be here for the last hours of the party. They tell me the music finishes at 8am the next morning, while they never had the opportunity to go, as the ticket represents a small fortune for them.

The boys sometimes take my suitcase without question or thought, and wheel it along, until I grab it from them and tell them they don't have to do that!

Then after about half an hour of this, four of the kids go straight on, while two of them take me down another dirt road to show me where to go to get to the party.

So I get to base camp and meet a very nice young man there who speaks English. He tells me people are already starting to come back from the festival and that there will be a driver soon who can take me there, but it is a very rough road he stresses, and a 40 minute drive over very difficult terrain.

By this time, it is dark and I eat some very cheap borscht and pleasant food cooked by the woman in the kitchen.

I say goodbye to the friendly young couple who helped me find this base camp, and get into this big Lada truck. It looks like something that may have been used to fight the Afghani's or something - big, square and green.

It is just me and the driver, this wirey old guy, having the time of his life evidentially, making a medium fortune ferrying people up and back from the party (my charge was $20) He smokes cigarettes with gusto, mumbles everything in Russian, takes sips of vodka every so often, and he moves with the thrilling urgency of a man making real money!

I actually didn't believe any road could be this bad... but I would not even call it a road... I could not even begin to describe it adequately. But it entailed us climbing this very steep mountain on this very steep dirt road, with many grooves and rocks and bumps. It actually felt just like bumps!

One time the truck conks out, and the driver just puts it into neutral, lets the truck roll backwards and starts it rolling this way! Ah, I shall have to remember this trick, the next time I am driving such a truck!

When after a long time, we get to what looks like the top, my driver stops and is visibly relieved. Surely the hard bit is now over? The driver lights another cigarette, takes another chug of vodka and off we go again down this mountain.

Then we go up again. Literally, just when I think, these Lada's are not so bad after-all... I see this mini explosion fizzle bright blue and yellow behind the drivers seat!

This kills the lights, the engine...everything in fact.

The driver doesn't seem too phased by this and he pulls out all these plastic wires, fuses and pliers. This local Altai guy in his mid 40's has been driving behind us for a little while and he comes over, and they seem like they have the situation under control.

I get out and this is the first time I really immersed in this nature and it is quite something... very, very lush. Lots of different trees and grasses... all completely unfamiliar to me, insects are buzzing and zinging about everywhere. This kind of vibrancy, again, reminds me of the Amazon and I chew some of the local grasses quite placidly.

Finally, the guys decide it is a lost cause fixing the electrics, it is something to do with how the battery is connected to the engine it looks like to me. The guys connect a wire cord between the two vehicles so as to two our truck and already I can't believe they think this will work.

Ahead of us, is just this muddy deeply rippling crazy waveform or twists and curves.

It is quite mad and I do not feel very safe as we begin to be towed.

The Mongolian guy just drives too fast and soon enough, he pulls us forward too fast, while he is going too slowly, and then speeds up while we slow down and the wire just snaps.

This doesn't seem to phase them either! And they quickly connect up the wire again. At this point, I cannot say I am concerned about my life... at one point though, I have to get out of the truck to the right, as the driver has managed to push the truck to the left, so the other truck can pass. I try to get out on what looks like a gentle grassy slope, but is in fact, almost a horizontal fall right down into the valley! Again, I have to hold on tightly onto the door as my legs slip through the grass into nothing and then I clamber back and bring myself back into the truck! I have to chuckle about it though, because it is just so ridiculous!

So this time, the Mongolian driver (I will call him a Mongolian for the sake of this tale!) doesn't seem to learn his lesson that he needs to take it easy. In fact, he seems possessed of some strange certainty, in his roaring beast of a truck, and just belts it up this 45-degree choppy wave mud mountain.

After about 15 seconds the cable snaps again. What we can't believe, is that the Mongolian driver doesn't even notice he has lost his tow and keeps hurtling up the mud mountain!

My driver at this point, having been in this enthralled money making mode... seems to shift down to some sort of survival mode, to just getting his truck out of here alive. At this point, it is 11pm and we have all just sunk into this will to just get out of here.

Soon, another truck comes up behind us, and out of it comes this a gritty Russian man in his 40's. And soon, we are all flashing our lights to get the Mongolian's attention, hoping he will look in his rear view mirror. Maybe he has given up on us?

So, the Russian man, his vehicle stuck behind two big vehicles is quite determined to fix our vehicle.

After about 10 minutes, the Mongolian man in his truck returns surprisingly unsheepishly and parks his truck in front of ours.

They must all be there about 20 minutes and start getting MacGyver on the Lada, fashioning new metal bolts or fittings with an ax.

The Mongolian guy has left his lights on his truck, and I go over to them and tell him in English "Dude, you have left your lights on!" to which the new Russian man responds by waving me away, shaking his Ax at me and clearly communicating a distaste for my English imperialism. In fact, they all say something dismissively negative in Russian to me!

I look at the Mongolian guy's rounded truck lights swarming with insects and think, well, I tried to tell him! I mean, he's the one who is going to understand me more than if I tried to speak Mongolian! He's the one who has surely seen Rambo and "Married with Children" or whatever they have on Television here in English!

Miracle of Miracles, they start the truck! And the lights go on, and everyone is happy again!

And then after another long bumpy ride, another reverse rolling start, we get to the party.

So my first impression is: this is like any psy trance party/festival anywhere in the world. It is the same ethos in any of these events globe wide.

It is now past midnight, and I could hear thumping psychedelic trance and am dropped off by the driver to the main house, which is ground control. I am basically told I can drop my stuff off there, which I do and decide to stay up all night and experience the last of the music of the festival.

There is also a chill stage area, which is more where Avant Garde St Petersburg types play their sometimes abrasive/sometimes experimental music.

I get some tea at one of the tea tents and am surprised how many different and interesting teas they have. I am given a "tender" green tea with local honey, which is quite delicious.

My initial impression is that most people here are not all that much into the music and are here for the gathering. There are very few people on the dance-floor and the music isn't that great.

Someone tells me that they consider the music to be the least interesting thing going on here and that the nature is the highlight in this place, and I say, yeah, I figured as much actually!

At about 5am, as I am flapping about to some okay Swedish dj... someone says "Julian" and it is my Australian friend Darren, who is playing live as "Reality Pixie" at this party. The Russians and Ukrainian like his music and he is not really booked in other countries in the world.

Then later, I connected with the rest of the Australian contingent, who were happy to see me and were wondering when I was going to get here! I told them I would be there Wednesday or Thursday, but it ended up getting here on Friday evening!

So it turned out some of my friends did not even see the Eclipse, like I thought, as they climbed a mountain and there was too much cloud cover. Even the people who stayed at the party didn't see all that much of the Eclipse. However the people who didn't see the eclipse realised how powerful the energy was of that experience and people were still crying tears and being profoundly effected even though they didn't actually see it!

At about 7am, Darren played, and I have never seen him play music in Australia. I have always missed him, in some way, missed the party, fell asleep or something like that!

The Russians really like his music and I felt a wave of clarity come over the audience as soon as he came on. After his first song, with one guy dancing like he was being swept along, side-to-side, soaking it up.

After he played one song, one guy stamped up and down and shouted in exaltation!

Actually, at one point a bit during his music set, it was just quite moving, the sun coming up, being in this strange part of the world, and with Darren, who was the only person to understand me on some dance-floors, when I was pushing the boundary, that we had both contributed to this space, in Australia and the world... it was just moving.

It was a beautiful set, in general, more perfect than I expected. And all I need is about 5 minutes where I get to the zone of a certain kind of let go in dancing, and I got there during Darren's dj set.

At one point, there was a couple dancing to the back of the dance-floor, very young and dressed in the most dorky clothes there! Like 80's clothes! They both looked like aliens actually! Or perhaps shaman's apprentices?

I thought this because their dancing was un-earthily good... synchronised to the music totally... shaking and moving with such finesse, completely dancing together, running around holding hands and performing this very astute theatre.

After Darren finished playing, a Finnish dj played next and then the main dance-floor ended for the rest of the festival. But I didn't need more than that and wandered out into the grasslands, among all the grasshoppers and grass... surrounded on all sides, by rock walls, and I am quite stunned by this place.

I feel like I am being photographed by the sun, and that the land is a kind of paper that is recording my being-ness into it. And I notice how the light is so different here, that the land is so different and nothing has prepared me for this.

All the colours, everything is different... more different than I thought earth could be to other parts of the earth I have been! The play of light is golden and bronze like the legs of those Siberian girls, and everything possess the same strange and stark, yet noble beauty.

After a bit of walking around in the grassland, I go down to the camping area to chill out.

I met some young people from Samara, near Georgia, two boys and two girls, and together we drank 1.5 litres of local beer and also a litre of mead. They claim to be the most trashed people at the party! One the guys is given some green gumboots by a passerby, one of which mysteriously contains a new packet of Green Tea!

Our hi-jinks seem to culminate as I say "tee pea! tea pea" and turn invisible knobs in the air, with these two sweet owl eyed girls at the bar stare at me completely wide eyed and silently still for a very extended amount of time, trying to comprehend this reality tweak! This all leaves us all rolling onto the floor and laughing and laughing, while one of the young guys simulates blowing his head off with a revolver as most of us are on the floor at this point... yes, we are the most trashed people at the party!

I continue to drink quite heavily the rest of the three days I am at the party. In fact, if you don't drink in Russia, you are basically a social leper. It's just what everyone does. But the alcohol is very, very good : very refined and quite blissful even. The local beer is the best I have ever had anywhere! Extremely fresh, smooth and clear tasting.

Later on that morning, I hang out with Darren some more and go swimming. The Russians treat him like a star and different people take his photo a few times. But still, he carries himself like an outsider to it all and doesn’t seem to see that people are treating him like a star.

He seems cynical about the scene itself, and I can see that too, the sort of conformism of these sub cultures and especially here in Russia. But always there are true individuals within this sort of scene… not just those who wear the dreadlocks and the often very predictable Goa scene uniforms in a way that is often more “straight” and uptight than the straight people they are supposed to be NOT!

And ultimately, this party has drawn people from all over the world and many people who are not really here for the music or majorly into that music.

I speak with a Swedish artist there, well known for his psy-trance music, and he says that he only likes Techno these days! And that maybe psychedelic trance was interesting 10 years ago... but not know!

It is a bit of a dead genre, in some ways. I remember Bjork talking about going out again and again listening to acid house I think it was... and one of out 100 songs would really do it for and just being for that one song, was worth it for her.

I am a similar mindset, but these days, although my patience to trail through the crap is not there. I know too much about music production, to take much electronic music very seriously and these days only certain Finnish or Australian parties will really do it for me.

So the rest of my time, I just enjoy being in the land. I don't go on any really long walks... but mostly spend my time talking to all kinds of people. I really connect with the local Altai Mongolian guys who are working at the party and we have some really good talks.

What is funny is what some of the "hippy" Russians think of them, they just say, "These are stupid people, don't pay attention to them!"

But actually, they are bright, friendly and very open folk with a lot of innate wisdom and who can actually relate in a free and often very inspired way! Unlike the Russians, who are quite held back in comparison!

It's funny, in Australia, we have this kind of innate culture where we respect the indigenous people (or try to) for some kind of connection to the land we often believe to be valuable and perhaps missing in our culture. Here, they don't really seem to have any such perceptions at all!

Those were some good days - absorbed in the Altai landscape, dreaming the dreams on the land, spending most of time with my Altai friends and Russian girl friends (friends who are girls!) These three girls in particular were part of a more ultra psychedelic music scene from Moscow, which is the type of music I prefer to listen to in this genre of music.

They said there was almost nobody from their scene at this party! And they said that quite a large scene, with parties being up to around 500 people.(they say this is small for Moscow however!) I had met another girl from that scene in Finland last year, and I was expecting to see more of people like her at this party! (a very friendly fetching spark, with very tasteful fashion sense) But there were only these three girls, who were very sassy and aware, who wore designer branded bikinis and made a point of cooking for me one night, which was nice!

Tatiana, who didn't speak English, said to Olga, "Well, we didn't meet many new people we liked here, but at least we met Julian!"

I said, "That's so sweet!"

So, Russian women are a whole story and I think one really worth telling here. I personally feel they have a very distinctive culture which I find very interesting.

Mostly, I think they are very intuitive, very in the moment, somehow, because the men are often so hard and full on men - they seem to balance it out by being very soft and womanly... sometimes... but they are also pretty full on themselves at times. And there is an obvious romantic stream within them, a certain joie de vivre - a passion and attentiveness which I have not really encountered elsewhere. I would also say they seem to often have quite a well-developed innate spirituality.

Their beauty is in their unique distinctiveness, and clichés and stereotypes regarding appearance don’t really apply. There are threads in it, but we are talking about such a huge amount of land, that there are so many different races, strains, types and looks within what we call the Russian woman that there is no way anyone who hasn't been there could possibly understand.

Yet, within this, though all the women, there is a sort of operating system or feminine culture, which you can get to see.

Even though Russian men often get a bad rap by Russian women. I have met some very beautiful men too. And they just shake their heads about Russian women, about how beautiful they are - inside and out.

I really get along very well with most all Russian women. They are often quite crazy and adventurous spirits with a quite pro-active and respectful attention.

It is quite commonly said, that ALL Russian girls are beautiful... but it is not quite accurate, but a fair comment on how common beauty is there. People sometimes say that Russian women lose their beauty after 30, but that's not necessarily the case at all.

What I like, is they don't tend to play games, at least not in the normal way "western" men are used to and are more into what is real, present and personal.

In fact, there was never a time when I had a moment of resonance, where it clearly wasn't mutual and I have never seen more gorgeous Caucasian girls and women than in Russia - and I've been pretty much everywhere where white people live! I see it as a true spirit that is radiating from them, not just a superficial appearance.

But I have to say I wasn't hunting this, and my thoughts were largely still with this Russian woman who SAID she was Siberia (who was actually from Kazakhstan!), who I had been spending some time with earlier in the my European journey. So she was my major introduction to Russian women... and I couldn't figure out why I was so impressed by her! Turns out, at least, partly because she is Russian!

But, all is not rosey with Russian women... and I certainly could tell you what ALL those thorns are (lets not go into what some of those can be right now!) But this devastating beauty and sheer feminine finesse, seemingly, does not come without a price! And for some western men who come here looking a wife, say, that price may be quite literal!

But I can say this cultural shadow is not one we, as westerners are even looking for, certain not expecting. I can say the Russian consciousness is often quite a troubled, and often unexamined one in some aspects.

It has been said Russia is like England, except in reverse, lots of hot women and very few cool guys. But I have to say, I met some very cool guys in Russia too.

So on Monday morning, the girls convinced me to take a raft out of the party, even though I don't have much money on me and it is very expensive. It sounded like a good option at the time, it was either that, or back over the mountain in the truck! and I didn't so much "fancy" that ride!

I was expecting something of a raft that we got on, with a reliable local just tending a long wooden oar; but I was surprised when we had to put our bags in waterproof bags and then get into a blowup adventure style raft and then row ourselves with oars!

In the beginning, I said to Olga, that maybe this would be an easy raft... not real white water rafting, and she stated that she was disappointed by this lack of adventure. It later it turned out we were both wrong about this!

Our "captain", was this guy in his 50's, who obviously made a living taking people rafting. His attitude was hard and hearty, but slightly comical. I found him completely comical however, and couldn't help spluttering and breaking down laughing when barked he out these orders in Russian, which he and the others didn't seem to appreciate too much!

Soon, we were in white water and we had to row quite hard. The Russians were all very earnest, but then again, we had to be, once the captain said,
"Up ahead here 100 metres is where 5 people died last year! "
"What happened?" one of us asked
Someone translated for me what the Captain said.
"They got sucked into a whirlpool and the dinghy took them to the bottom and they got stuck and then drowned!"
So of course, we were all rowing quite earnestly, in synchronisation. At this point, I'm still a bit taken aback at being put in this position, when I was expecting to float down the river on some dinky raft!

So it was real white water, frothing and splashing, whooshing and down and up through these rapids. It's quite fun, but it is also getting quite cold now as the day gets on! This is glacial water!

At the next set of rapids... the Japanese lady next to me almost falls out during the rapids, except me and another grab her before she falls out!

All this time of course, the captain is barking away orders, which I am tending to find less and less funny!

Soon we go to shore and everyone grabs some dry branches and we light a big fire to dry out our wet clothes.

The landscape here really is so pristine and pure, walking inland a bit, I felt co-ordinated to it in some moments of peace and appreciation of it.

So we get back in the raft and keep rafting for a couple of more hours.

At one point, the Japanese lady is clearly tired and so the Captain tells us both to stop rowing, and put down our oars. I am really not so bothered about this, but it is clear the Russians like to power along rowing, and let us "weak" foreigners be "weak" foreigners! Funny!

After a while I pick the oars again anyway, and keep rowing. At one of the last rapids, we go up and down this slippery dip sine wave, up and down these quite big humps, which is quite fun and makes the relative hardship of it all feel worthwhile.

So then, after a few hours, we finally get to our destination, which is some kind of picnicking site, just as it starts raining, where we set up our tents and sleep the night.

The next morning a man arrives in a small white van and drives us away back into civilisation. The road was quite interesting and the drive reminded me of going the back way driving from Armidale to Kempsey in Northern NSW.

Soon we all arrive at a general store and I buy juice and other things we have been missing in the times we have been out of the loop! All the stores here, are the same as the old soviet stores, with EVERYTHING behind the counter or under glass!

The main road is surprisingly busy for relatively remote Siberia! I guess it is summer though and we are still in post- eclipse excitement.

We stop at this place by the side of the road and I walk about 100 metres further to go buy some watermelon from a watermelon stand. I tell the grisly looking guy in sign language that I want half a watermelon and to cut that half into six slices.

As he cuts the watermelon, I take a piece and start eating into it, Olga comes up, and he tells her to tell me, "You've got to pay for that you know!" and I say sarcastically, "No? You think so?"

He is cutting up all the watermelon and I say I only want half, and he tells he only sells whole watermelons, which sounds like a lie, as there is a half watermelon wrapped up on front of us!

I say, "How much is half a watermelon?" and Olga tells him what I have said.

Then, he punches me in the shoulder. Not hard, but hard enough!

I start talking to him quite firmly while Olga translates, "Hey, I am from Australia! If you came to Australia, I wouldn't punch you in the shoulder, but treat you like a guest in my country!" I am looking him in the eyes and treating him like badly behaved kid (which is about what I think of him!) and he looks a bit guilty like he has realised he done the wrong thing.

He eagerly and semi-righteously replies to Olga, that he understands English and that I said to him wanted the watermelon cut in 6 pieces! And I said, no, I only wanted half the watermelon!

I relent on the watermelon and he says it is 250 Roubles for 10 kilos of watermelon, which is quite a lot of money! Especially for Russia! Clearly he is taking advantage of the situation to rip me off!

I only have 100 roubles in my shirt pocket, expecting the half watermelon to be less than that and have to borrow 150 roubles from Olga.

So I take the watermelon back the people on at the bus and we all happily eat watermelon, leaving some behind. One of us tries to give watermelon to people walking past, but because people in Russia generally don't understand the concept of giving, we have no takers and only sheer bewilderment!

When I complain about being ripped off, Olga later says something to the effect of, "What did you expect?"

And I say, "Well, the last place I was traveling was in the middle east, where they will often actually refuse money for things you are trying to buy and often give you a good deal and would never dream of ripping off a foreigner! I was not expecting a watermelon salesman to hit me or rip me off!"

She says, "You were lucky I was there to give you that money, otherwise you probably would have been later found at the bottom of the river, stabbed to death!"

Ah, thanks Olga!

A Russian friend, when I recounted this story to him, later said, and if you were in Moscow, you probably would have been dragged away and knocked unconscious, to later come to consciousness in some derelict apartment, stitched up on once side where one kidney has been stolen!

Ah, how graphic!

However, we must take into account Russians seem to strangely enjoy the cynical side of life, or seem to appreciate how intense and harsh the consequences are for playing the game of life in a sloppy or un-clever way!

I asked some Finnish friends to ask a Russian friend of theirs in Moscow of my chances of hitching in southern Siberia, and he said, the price of one human life is only worth half a bottle of vodka out there!

Yet, those young people I met near the party, had hitched, although it was not clear where they were from, but it was many hundreds of kilometres away!

Our driver was a bit of difficult guy. He had upped the price on our journey initially, because he said that he had to come over dirt roads, and that we had a lot of bags and too many people (which was not true at all)

This sparked some heated conversations in the bus. In this situation, I said, sure, the driver has some power over us to charge more, so it’s tricky... but I said, in Australia, a driver would never do that! And would tend to try and charge us less, in order to give himself a better reputation as a driver! The Japanese lady said that in Tokyo, taxi drivers are like robots!

I went on a big rant, about how you must assert that the customer has the power, not the person providing the goods and services! They didn't understand this, and would not accept that they could make a difference by standing up for themselves or asserting that this was actually a better way, which they considered arrogant! (and perhaps capitulating to the whims of the western way more than they would like!)

Strangely enough, it is does not seem to be within the Russian psyche to really posit that there is a collective consciousness or any aspect of collective life, which you can effect as an individual. And so people often don't bother to try and change anything, as they have been forced to capitulate to often quite incredible irrational dictates for many decades, which they knew they could not change.

So if you talk to people about what it was like, "back in the day", (who will be honest with you) you get to understand a bit of what a totally mad and intense merry go around it used to be here... and it still is like that in some ways! Yet, I think people must understand they must collectively work to reprogram this reality, rather that just run around being subject to it. I tried to at least tell them of a more uptight and perhaps somewhat overly anal "British" style approach to being a customer!

So the journey back to Barnaul is relatively uneventful. When we arrive outside of Barnaul it is dark and I come down with some sort of fever, which becomes quite intense. The girls give me some different medicine they have, which seems to work quite well and also a nice blanket, so I lie down in the van going through some kind of intense fever!

The driver won't take the Japanese lady into Barnaul city itself because it entails too much of a detour for him! She is very upset by this and we have to arrange a lift for her into town by asking people on the road!

Turns our driver is not such a "bad guy"... some other Australian friends told me that their driver repeatedly asked for more money. So on the third time he asked for more money in Bysk, one friend of mine chose to get out rather than to pay! All the others stayed and payed the money, and then, at the next stop, when they were at a petrol station having a rest, he threw out all their bags and made a get away!

Soon, we arrive in Novosibirsk - in the square where I first arrived after getting off the bus from the airport. It is about midnight at this point, so we decide to take a taxi to the airport and sleep there for the night, to get our flights early in the morning.

I actually sleep quite well surprisingly (essential travelers kit are good quality ear plugs and an eye mask!) and wake up not feeling so sick at all.

The girls leave on an earlier plane to me, and I wait around for my Siberian airlines flight to leave.

One of the most startling things I saw in Russia was a newsstand in my terminal. I just wish I had my camera to take photos of some of these magazines! On the upper level, facing the viewer of the news stand was the women's magazines... no real surprises here, with one magazine being called "Joy" with amazingly crisp, happy and bright photos of wholesome Russian women, printed on nice shiny, very high quality paper.

But on the lower shelf, at the bottom of the newsstand, were the men's magazines. These were printed on "bottom shelf" paper, larger than your average magazine and there would have been about a bit less than dozen of them as I recall.

One of the one's that stood out to me showed a bizarre looking, naked fat Asian women covered in tattoo's running in front of razor wire - screaming!

Opening up the magazine showed pictures of big black cars, suitcases full of money, bloody crime scenes, shadowy looking sexy women, men with various weapons and such! I actually couldn't physically handle this magazine for very long, because it had such a heavy vibe! And all the other men's magazines were just like it!

This scene at the newsstand just seemed to typify the divide between men and women here!

My initial thoughts upon coming across these men's magazines, was lots of judgment about them and Russian men in general.

But then I began to see them in the light of what Camille Paglia says, who I think communicates that there is an earthiness in a connectedness to the cruelty of nature, which she calls Daemonic, and the essence of what civilisation avoids and yet must face.

So she says:

"Nature rewards energy and aggression."

"Every model of morally or politically correct behavior will be subverted, by natures daemonic law."

"Not sex, but cruelty, is the great neglected or suppressed item on the humanistic agenda."

So if you think of men in this culture, they have been so obviously the disempowered. Then to kidnap someone and torture them, get suitcases full of money and the sexy woman (in that order or not!) - that perhaps represents some primitive beginning stage of empowerment. Looking back, it all strikes me as being strangely innocent and child like.

We have got to remember, back in the "good old days", they didn't even really have too many overtly sexy women! As pretty much all women could not even afford the months salary to buy makeup or terribly sexy clothes! And almost nobody had guns or suitcases full of money or big black cars. Nothing of this nature was allowed.

So I began to look at these idealistic men's magazines, as a step for men to understand their own "basic" and most animalistic power.

And so this is a world, where it seems to me, doing the "wrong" thing (in humanistic terms!) is rewarded by nature – and that is reflected in society of incredibly cunning individuals.

So I began to perceive that the Russians feel that they are closer to nature for following certain dictates, which perhaps they feel reflects the cruelty of the natural world.

However, I really do feel this element in Russian society is quite childish, in a way - and unnecessary, to reward the ability to inflict suffering in order to get what you want.

But at the end of the day, it looks kind of pathetic and shallow, and also, it is a waste of so much time and energy, dealing with this "predator world" story, even encouraging it and giving it free reign.

When actually, there are much more interesting things to be doing and focusing one's time on, than the grossest forces within us! I am quite certain the Russians think all this keeps them sharper - but it is only for certain aspects within this realm!

It's like the person playing and practicing chess all the time, thinking that this will help them with their love life!

So this was my view of Russians also, possessing a certain arrogance that their way was the best, when actually there are many more dimensions and ways of focusing attention and being-ness than this most simple (or complex!) striving through the human jungle.

But then again, I see almost exactly the same complex in the American culture too... and the similarities between the two cultures are a completely different story.

So I arrived back in Moscow in the late evening, having had to cross four time zones, with the flight also taking four hours!

The next day I spend walking around Moscow. My impression of the city is that it is essentially a very interesting city, and surprisingly beautiful, especially some parts. I am continually impressed how quickly Russians have taken to "consumerism". In that, when you go to the store, any basic little store, there are maybe up to about a dozen high quality mineral waters, all of them way better (yes, I am a water connoisseur darling!) than anything you can buy in Europe or anywhere else in the world! So it is a bit like that.

I go to a pharmacy, and they have many more natural health medicines than I have seen anywhere else... even Sweden, Germany or Australia (where you typically find the most) and talking to the pharmacist in there, they show me a whole range of herbal medicines for my cough and sickness which is still troubling me.

All of these products are designed to look as impressive as possible, and often have holographic stickers and so on. Part of this, as a Russian friend told me, is that when you create a new natural health product in Russia, various people (like pharmaceutical companies) will try and imitate your product with even more impressive labeling than yours, except that it is totally dud and designed to detract people away from products similar to yours!

So, again, it’s this "nuts and bolts", survival of the "dodgiest" scheme, which seems so apparent here.

Again and again, people tell me how much wealth there is in Moscow and it is officially now the world's most expensive city. The wealthy people here are generally regarded as the dodgiest - the people who have stolen and rotted their way to the top. Apparently, it is not always this way... but who knows?

But the wealthy here seem very insecure in their wealth. You look at them, and they often crumble. Whereas, if you look at a rich person with scrutiny, in Zurich say, they won't pay you any attention at all or very quickly find a way to look down their nose at you!

Part of it, is that here, anything you do can fall away at any moment, it is such a tough world to be part of, to deal with - you really have to be on the ball. Again, it seems quite clear the Russians like it this way, and this is what they value, it seems to me!

It seems almost absurdly ironic, that this communistic system was designed to eliminate the moneyed elite, who frolicked in luxury while the commoners starve. And yet, this is all being repeated now! This vast inequity is already back with avengence, staved off for many decades by a system designed to eradicate it!

So, once again, the capitalists own the factories and companies and make the rest of the population work for them, while the Capitalists take all the money and enjoy the fruits of their proletariat labor! Ah, Sweet Capitalism!

I have never seen so many huge black cars as in Moscow, which would surely consist of 50% of the traffic. One of the most common cars in Moscow is the Mercedes Benz S600 4matic, which is actually the top of the line limousine in four-wheel drive. In fact, I am told the Russians have pre-ordered the entire production of this car for years to come, and so you will never really see it anywhere else!

Only in Moscow will you see three Black Lexus LS460's (these cars that park themselves!) driving along a road, one after the other. In any other country in the world, these are very uncommon cars.

People will pay hundreds of dollars for a meal here in Moscow. There was a letter in the Aeroflot flight magazine, which I read, where an American had a great meal with his friends, paid a fortune for it and then tipped the waiters $100. Yet, still, he said, they wanted more!

I went to Red Square and St Nicholas's church (you know, the one with the colored spires) and walked around the Kremlin (the Russian Parliament and seat of power), but found out the Kremlin is closed on Thursdays.

So I just walked around and looked at churches, and especially explored through the old city, and Jewish quarters. I have to say, despite its obvious dark and deplorable aspects... Moscow is a strangely exhilarating place to be, with a quickened pulse and fresh sophistication unknown to any other European city. (there are very few I haven't been to!)

That night, I spent with some people I met at the festival, and proceeded to leave the next morning.

Again, my Aeroflot flight was virtually empty, and arriving back in Helsinki was greatly relieving!

Having had my taste of Russia, I have to say I am hooked!

I have never felt that energy or passion for things in people, this desire to make a better life. Sure, it may often represented by grosser materialism... but the momentum of the avant garde, which I touched base with at the Altai festival and also just saw in the people on the street in Moscow, is like nothing I have ever seen. It was entirely fresh, a momentary newness of creativity that clearly represented an inner substance (whereas, the hipsters in Japan say, are said to be largely just posers!)

That in itself, and the ability of the people to embrace with passion, new ways and approaches, would call me back here. But also, the women, not as sex objects, because that is not their real trip or mine!... but if I think of a cultural group who I would like to spend more time with, who are quite connected to their inner self being and to whom I think there is the most potential for new kinds of sharing, for me, it would have to be with Russian women I think!

Before I left Australia, two quite credible people I know, told me they had read all of the "Anastasia" books, which is quite committed - because there are nine of these books! So just before I left Australia, I ordered the first book.

These books are about a girl the author finds in deepest Siberia, who has magical powers and abilities, and gives instructions for how to grow plants and live closer to nature.

When I read this book, it didn't really touch me actually and I felt the messages in this book, have already been communicated in other books. It felt slightly hollow to me, although quite interesting for sure.

I actually met a man at the Altai party, who said a friend of his was friends with the author, and his friend said that author told him he had invented this character! This didn't surprise me, and I was only told this after expressing some doubt about the veracity of this work!

Also, at the party, Tatiana, (she with the long legs and very short slightly baggy khaki shorts!) was actually eating plants and chewing grass, like Anastasia does in the book, (and actually I do). I called her "nature girl" a bit teasingly, and she said, quite taken aback, "why do you call me that!' and I said in a sing song way, "oh, because you are walking around bare footed, and collecting firewood..."

I never saw her eat another bit of grass, around me at least, which I thought was quite funny!

So, the essence of the Anastasia message still remains, that in this society, where men have traditionally wielded the power to make wars and build roads and swizzle stick factories... much essentially necessary wisdom may well be present in the feminine. Perhaps this is especially true in Russia, where it seems that the wisdom I am quite sure is contained within magazines such as "Joy" largely remains only with the women!

And it is this wisdom, not more male gist which we need, to bring the world back to a true balance - where brute force and power and gold does not rule the people - and more feminine traits such as people's wellbeing and feelings are given much more of a priority. Because in fact, people's well-being and feelings are in fact a primary reality, if not THE primary reality. We've really lost this being so overly focused on the external male focuses.

Another aspect of being in Russia, was that the people reminded me of the English in some ways, in that they were often irrelated or sometimes quite autistic in how they related to others. There was often not a clear form of relationship, especially with strangers.

What I came to understand was that people needed a long time to develop trust and friendship with each other here, because so common I was told it was so common you would get "fucked" over by people and it is quite evident how really "crazy" many people are. I have found the same is true in England too... yet, nowhere else I have been I have to say.

But also, I am told people treat friendships very seriously and you can see this too...

There is an old advaitic adage, "Only when there is an other, does fear arise". Yet, in a society such as England and Russia, there is not given much credence to any form of inter-connectiveness and togetherness - the "other" predominates and remains in your face, and you have to be continually on your guard.

And in both societies, I find that you are innately rewarded for being aligned with the more predatorial and selfish consciousness. Basically, in both societies fear and separation will often dominate societal convention, and it is every man for himself!

I am writing this in Scandinavia, and it is in these are societies where it is often assumed you will do the right thing, for the sake of yourself AND society. You are given quite a lot of free reign to do the right thing, and trusted to do so as an adult within society.

Whereas, in Russia and also England, it is largely expected that you will do the obviously wrong thing, and are largely not trusted to ever do the right thing.

Also, I find other similarities, whereas, Murphy's Law applies in both countries, but things tend to work REALLY well in Scandinavia. It is expected that things will work well and people put energy and attention into this and so they do. Murphy's law appears to be unknown in Sweden!

Simple transactions like buying tickets on a train or bus is usually completely transparent and quick in Scandinavia... but in Russia, you often have to que and just buying a ticket from the woman behind the counter seems to take forever, like it is such this big deal!

HOWEVER, the caveat in all this, is that many things in the new Russia, work very well indeed, better than anywhere I have been.

And by things, I mean everything, there are no hiccups or elements of mistrust or human error or any sense of opacity or difficulty in a transaction or movement through public or private arenas of life!

So in England and Russia, it is often expected that things will not work, and people often do not put the care and attention into making it so! And I feel this is because they have lost sight of a collective consciousness within society and people act accordingly, in an often sociopathic manner in order to get as much for themselves, in a mean or uncaring way.

In Scandinavia, a great deal of care and attention is put into making sure things work for everybody! and so that you don't waste your time dealing with bullshit! There is an element of abundance and care present in such a culture which means that everyone is provided for, which means that meanness itself is redundant.

So the smorgasbord buffet comes from Sweden, an obviously sharing and generous system. But you don't steal food at the smorgasbord and take it away to eat later! This would be an abuse of the smorgasbord! Swedish people would never do this, because they respect the smorgasbord and want to keep enjoying it.

Let's just say I did not see a smorgasbord in Russia! But I doubt the same respect would be given to the smorgasbord there... and basically, I doubt that people would do the right thing by the smorgasbord.

A friend of mine encountered 20 Russians laughing away at a restaurant in India, and he asked them what they were laughing at, and he was told they were laughing at a Russian proverb, which stated that, "A Russian never goes anywhere without stealing something!"

So all the time I was traveling in Russia, I was reading a book called "MAO: The Unknown Story" by Jung Chang and Jon Halliday - a biography of the Chinese Communist revolutionary and leader Mao Tse-Tung.

Most of what I was reading during that time, told how Mao gained power within the Communist party ranks in China through brutal torture and killings of those with assets in peasant China.

The phrase was coined: "Anyone who has land is a tyrant, and all gentry are bad"

And so countless numbers of people from that time on, were brutally tortured and killed for owning land.

An excerpt from the book:

"What fascinated Mao was violence that smashed the social order. And it was this propensity that caught Moscow's eye, as it fitted into the Soviet model of a social revolution. Mao was now published in the Commintern Journal." etc etc

Moscow clearly saw that "ruthless struggle" was the necessary way to gain victory... it did turn out they were correct. Because Mao was the most ruthless, and most knieving of them all, Moscow always sided with him and he continued his ascent to power. Mao even gained credibility in Moscow for murdering fellow party members - proof of his ruthlessness!

His fellow revolutionaries, being comparably honorable men, were usually taken off guard and therefore often defeated by his treachery.

It is quite a book, and worth reading for many reasons!

But what stayed with me, was this idea that the lowest and most devious tactics, based within fear, would almost always win in the human world. And this idea is similar to the view of Camilla Paglia that such an approach is aligned with the daemonic world of nature - and so nature must reward this aggression.

But we often don't take this entirely take approach in the west, because such a view will only benefit the strongest and fittest, who will cause suffering to society as a whole. And we have decided to live in a society of individuals, not in a society dominated by one person who causes suffering to everyone else through their domination of society. (of course, these societies still exist in the world today)

And we don't cause suffering in this animalistic way, because we are "human", not completely enmeshed within, what has been termed, the daeomic natural world. The view that nature is ONLY daemonic can only come from someone who has perhaps not understood something of the intelligence and meaningfulness of the natural world, beyond its most obvious functionality.

And I disagree with Paglia (and with the Russians!), that cruelty and ruthlessness (in their most basic and un-evolved form!) are useful to us. The Russians seem to think it makes them stronger and more on the ball, perhaps safer! at the end of the day. Ultimately, what I feel is that the natural world is not daemonic (or even of a lesser nature), that it is as we are - that it is how we choose to relate to it.

And I don't see Russians as being truly on the ball. There is a myopic element in their perspective which is their great weakness.

The most on the ball and connected culture I have met, are the Finnish.

Nobody needs to prove how strong or powerful they are (legions of big black cars are inconceivable in Helsinki!), because life there has evolved beyond that! In fact, within Finnish culture, it is largely inappropriate to wield power as an individual over other individuals, simply because it is already long agreed its not the best or most effective way to get things done!

Whereas, in Russia, it appears that every fraction of power you have, you use to the best of your advantage to get as much power as you can!

Yet, there is no need! What are we really doing and why? Beyond mere survival?

The Finns don't need to be demonstrate strength, because they cultivate an intelligence and have a way of working together that is very well developed I think. It seems to me, that integrity is often innately perceived as the number one value and so trust and getting things done can occur without suffering - which is also considered a priority, that suffering not occur within society.

For example, going back to food; during the Second World War in Finland, people died of starvation rather than stealing food(!) Because of this, the people who had food, ceased to become afraid that someone would steal it, and began to share it. And so everyone else then continued to stay alive!

I believe this is quite well known in Finland, and it is something that people take pride in - an understanding, that when it comes down to it, people will work together and survive. There is not so much fear in Finland, that something bad will happen to them now! Party because they also fought off the Russians during the early stages of the Second World War, who tried to invade. This was no mean feat at all, being such a small country against such a huge army. They have this credo called "sisu", which basically means never giving up, again that is something that people take pride in and creates a feeling of safety in society against challenges.

While I was in Russia, Alexander Solzhenitsyn died, aged 89. He was the writer to have first exposed the truth about the gulags, the Russian prisons in Siberia.

At a speech he gave in Harvard in 1978, he was likely expected to thank his sponsors for sheltering him in exile and congratulate the West on its freedoms and openness - instead he went on a rant against the ethos of the west!

"Through intense suffering our country has now achieved a spiritual development of such intensity that the Western system in its present state of spiritual exhaustion does not look attractive."

"Even biology knows that habitual extreme safety and well-being are not advantageous for a living organism. Today, well-being in the life of Western society has begun to reveal its pernicious mask."

"A fact which cannot be disputed is the weakening of human beings in the West while in the East they are becoming firmer and stronger. Six decades for our people and three decades for the people of Eastern Europe; during that time we have been through a spiritual training far in advance of Western experience. Life's complexity and mortal weight have produced stronger, deeper and more interesting characters than those produced by standardized Western well-being. Therefore if our society were to be transformed into yours, it would mean an improvement in certain aspects, but also a change for the worse on some particularly significant scores. It is true, no doubt, that a society cannot remain in an abyss of lawlessness, as is the case in our country. But it is also demeaning for it to elect such mechanical legalistic smoothness as you have. After the suffering of decades of violence and oppression, the human soul longs for things higher, warmer and purer than those offered by today's mass living habits, introduced by the revolting invasion of publicity, by TV stupor and by intolerable music."

It is largely accepted that Russian literature is based around the development and also redemption of characters through suffering!

So this is a cultural mythos it seems... but also, is such pain and suffering really required in order to develop character?

I personally don’t think so… I think when pain and suffering is present, we are actually distracted away from developing ourselves in a proactive way.

Yet, I would say, that Solzhenitsyn has a point, that the people I met in Russia were often of more depth and character than typical western, standardised people and I think are quite strong to be able to deal with what they have to deal with now.

Yet, these things are not the true measure of what we should value in humanity, and do not constitute the dimensions of possibilities available to us, as human beings, beyond our cultural programming. And as a people, the Russians seem very enmeshed in a certain kind of cultural programming.

So, yet, sometimes I have felt compassion for the Russian people I met, sometimes they seemed so weak and unintelligent, simply because they couldn't accept their weakness or unintelligence, in their impenetrable impression of being strong and on the case, it only festered and becomes more distorted.

And that underneath all this, I saw they were sometimes like wounded or mistreated animals. And I saw that it wasn't just communism that had created this situation, but over a long history I am more and more interested to understand, they had collectively come a certain perspective or view of life I don't think is true for its own sake, but instigated through the collective character of the people.

Around the year 1000, all the three main large tribes which constitute the most basic land mass of Eastern Russia, spoke a language very similar to modern day Finnish - a Finno-Ugric language. (Whereas, the Finns lived as one big tribe within the land mass of modern day Finland)

Beginning around 1000, the church basically created what we know as the Russian language.

Before the invasions of the Eastern Slavs and the Vikings, I believe people there lived much more closely to nature and its rhythms, and the more time I spend in the northern hemisphere, the more I realise what has been lost as the indigenous cultures of these European lands. (Something indigenous people of other countries invaded by European people, would do well to recognise I think!)

If I think back to Russia before the invaders came, I can visualise much kinder, gentler times. We think of people living before this time, or describe them merely as hunter/gatherers or whatever. And yet, their spiritual beliefs and practice have been lost to history, stamped out by the church, brutally, over centuries as mere "paganism" or "witchcraft"

I was told a white Shaman in Russia showed some Russian people the secret to his local brand of of shamanism, and he showed them a field of magic mushrooms - the same type which they had been ingesting themselves. I have been told Russian artists and intellectuals have traditionally secretly ingested the same mushrooms for many hundreds of years.

Islam, Isis and I

(this is a little bit of a treatise on Islam, the middle east and religious forces. I wrote it in Jordan mostly, edited a bit in Egypt and I finished editing it in Australia and this text completes my middle eastern blog at least!)

What you meet as Islam traveling in the middle east is a such a big part of that culture... but also, what is obvious is that Islam is a relatively new religion. Before Islam, people worshipped the gods here, they worshipped the goddess, or they were Christians or were part of those decadent places what we know as Babylon or Sodom or Gommorah!

So Islam is like a cultural overlay. It is very clearly not this apriori thing which defines who people are here... at all really. But why do we have (or I have) this impression that it does at all?

I am not the only one who has commented the the sense of there being an element of penitence in Islam, maybe related to a kind of collective cultural guilt related to previous ways of life. You could say this about Christianity too - the Roman's would have had lots to be guilty about too - and they were the one's who shaped this guilt ridden, "sin" and "judgment" based form of Christianity. (Interestingly, I recently read in Rob Brezsny's book "Pronoia",that before the Roman's adopted Christianity in 300 AD, there were many book available written about Christianity, which were all destroyed or suppressed by them at that time)

I think we too easily forget that before the Roman's came, the white people in Europe, were for the most part, nature spirit and goddess worshipping farmers; who lived in comparative simplicity and gentleness compared to the Romans and the rather obviously war mongering and "sinful" civilisations of the middle east.

Christianity, again, is very much a cultural overlay to the white people, whose ancient spiritual roots lie more in nature worship and the goddess.

Christianity derives from a middle eastern Judaism and the at times, very obscure teachings of a middle eastern prophet. What the quite clearly misguided and penitent Roman's and Europeans distorted this into, became something quite monstrous and misleading I feel.

So what I feel about Islam is pretty much what I feel about all the religions.

I think ultimately, we don't don't know and cannot know... not really. It is really beyond us. Anyone who tell you otherwise is a liar. There is no "way that is", not really. So any of the descriptions is just a story, which we don't need, and in fact can prevent us from being in the obvious present moment unfoldment of the intelligence and beingness. Spontaneity.

And the future is not ours to see. Jesus kept saying judgment day is around the corner, the Qur'an is very much about judgment day as well, but who is to say what is around the corner and what form that will take?! Surely, the way forward is truly bettering ourselves in obvious and non-obvious ways and not just holding out for these things to happen. This is a big phenomenan with the whole 2012 thing too. I really just feel that as we get to 2012, it really just signifies a sense of new beginning. But many people seem to be quite hung up about it .

It seems quite clear these religions prevent us from living in the moment, as ourselves, with each other in potential forms of communion and relationship. I feel that a lot of the time, the "good" is just empty, not vibrant or with rich force and so remains a repressive force. The "religious good" is dutiful, but it is not filled with life, because it restrains the "bad"

And I feel only by going into "the bad", and harnessing these these forces, rather than trying to repress them is where we can really access life and what it can offer us.

And really, what are these forces... sex, money and power? I really think we should be engaging into these forms of life, and engaging with the physical world, but not in a selfish or greedy way, but in a way of intellgence, listening, give and take - for the good of all, but also in a more true sense of selfishness, which is expanded and much greater in its boundaryless scope.

So I think that sex, money and power can be spiritualised in a sense... in that we cannot deny these forces in ourselves, and only in transmuting these forces do we become useful to ourselves and each other I think. Really, when the heart of it is that what we are all really trying to do is attain greater degrees of wholeness and integration of the different aspects of what we are. When the veils and illusions of our survival circuitry is undone - this is revealed as the prime motivating factor and in it, refines what we experience as will.

In this, self recognition can occur... and then potentials for openess and communion, which are to my mind, the key aspects of the human experience that western society usually neglects or really doesn't understand yet. People here in the middle east, understand that much more it seems to me.

But really, I think the only religion should be perhaps to prompt us to engage more deeply with ourselves and with each other in respect and care and graciousness for what we have. And in the west, we don't have that... as it is often just this consumerist free for all. I have generally felt that here, people take pride in a moderation, and being around people who are prompted to pray and worship god at certain times of the day has felt very good.

But really, nothing need prompt us, if we are really in it or have engaged with it.

And an obvious depth of self examination is hard work. Ultimately, I feel the religions are more geered to token gestures of the right thing being done, rather than really confronting what our living nature enails to us and others.

So it seems that this new, innate, global language is coming, which will enable us to go much deeper into ourselves, to actually communicate in a way that acknowledges the deeper human unity, and enable us to really acknowlege in a more conscious way, the spiritual energies of our relatings.

In a way, it doesn't matter "who or why or when" but I've come to understand that it is through a man and a woman that this message will come through.

Nothing has really changed for me about the proclamations given on my web site... this was material that came out of very, very deep work with the tryptamines over many years.

And I KNOW the way forward is by accepting and receiving the feminine intelligence and also that power being acknowledged and accepted will really give humanity the boost to face the challenges ahead. (which are clearly very great challenges!)

And so I believe that in order to really come to peace with all of these issues between the different races and religions - we really just need to come into a deeper and more multidimensional realisation of who and what we really are and what we are really doing - beyond the obvious.

And this living thing - I think it will take over and people will cease reading the books which tell them how it is and just live it. To a degree, this is already happening - but I just feel in the arab world, a more heightened sense of maybe "they" need a more firm understanding which will really make people unafraid to face themselves, their light and the responsiblities of that; which seem to me to be old descriptions and stories which I think really masks a deeper insecurity and uncertainty.

And that ultimately insecurity is the truth! Which we should be seeking, or at least be ready to reveal that. And also apprehensions of divine truth.

These religions I think really abnegate responsibiltiy and also the human being, whose potentials for life are poo pooed, that you should just be "good" and not give to much though to the lower life of the physical!

But actually, the physical is where we are atbvand it is in and through the physical that we can experience the spiritual, not by denying it! It may sound obvious, but apparently it has not been!

So all these religions, I think they deny the physical and in essence, abnegate the challenge of being a human being into many compromises and concessions, which are not based in a full comprehension and appreciation and also manifold responsibilities and values. All this is work and it will lead you out of realm of the mind and in essence, out of normal control.

And religions, which are generally the most obvious forms of "leaders" establishing a sense of control over people... people "getting out of control" is not what they want. Yet, to get out control in its truest sense, is hard, and possibly even painful in the short term. In the long term as you learn the ropes it is easier, but it is much harder path than control, yet much more fulfilling and rich.

True freedom is the reward. Not in a basic and sordid American sense, but actually having a sense of one's own inner power and deep inner spiritual values and able to direct them appropriately, rather than fulfiling greedy "negative" and narcisstic values which exploit the possibilities of superficial enjoyment. Then we are often actually seek a sense of discomfort, which is confronting pain and imbalance in the world and dealing with it, taking responsibility for it.

But also, if we have the privildege of being able to enjoy the material things in life, rather than just surviving, then we should do so without guilt I feel. But again, not in this grabby "i'll get what I can take" ethos. And you just can't pay money for life's real riches, life has to grant you those type of riches. You have to earn them through a kind of work.

When you turn from service to the self, to the service of the all (i.e. the truth!).... things change - what you put into it is what you get out.

So I think Islam itself, has a lot of really admirable qualities, people are called to help each other here and they do. Crime and so on is really almost non-existent sometimes it seems. It is a refreshing sober religion, (the rest of the world just seems to be dancing around the golden calf at times!) which I think instills people with the essence and importance of turning to the divine. And I feel this is really important.

But America, or the west as a whole is not suddenly going to convert to this religion! BUT, I feel that the essence of it, may well be the remedy to a lot of the problems that America, in particular, faces. Strange as it may sound, this is what I genuinely feel.

But I also know that life evolves, and Islam is also evolving, humanities relationship to religion is clearly changing. I do feel that religion represents training wheels of some sort, which must be removed at the right time in order that we are able to ride the bike unhindered.

It seems to me that most, if not almost all are not responsible or mature or even seeking their own responsibility or maturity to really utilise money, sex and power for the sake of all - for the sake of present beingness - not just ego based enjoyment, perhaps not even real enjoyment.

And yet, examples of that maturity are quite hard to come by, in my mind at least. Whether Islam as a whole likes it or not, people are breaking ranks here from tradition more and more, especially the wealthy - who look like they could be living in New York or Sydney and act like they do too!

So, in this journey, I have come in the spirit of understanding, to this place in the world, which from western eyes, seems to represent the source of a lot of the potential and present problems in the global politic.

And I have felt myself to be an ambassodor of sorts, and I have felt very recognised and seen for the most part.

And yet, there is so much more than most anyone ever imagines there to be...

I am aware that what I am about to say, will not be believed by many people who read this, and that doesn't really concern me.

So, almost as soon as I arrived in Egypt, in awareness that Albert Hoffman had just died, Isis appeared before me in my hotel room, in front of my eyes, not in human form, but in her elemental form as pure art. And we interacted.

I was in tears and wonder, kneeling before this goddess, expressing hundreds of times more respect than I have ever yet to muster to any human before. (it was an unpractised respect I can tell you!) Most of the time, I just had to stop myself from falling into complete astonishment and just focus on the interaction.

So, we have forgotten or given up this worship of these beings, to the goddess, to a faceless male-like form, who we can apparently never apparently really know.

So I have known Isis, and she revealed much more of herself to me than I have ever experienced in any human being, and thus I was able to reveal myself.

And I was given a gift, but this gift too was to be shared, and that is its nature.

So she visited me, because, apparently I had made the grade and had impressed.

And these sorts of experiences leave one extremely grateful and glad - and I think an innate will to integrity occurs, when you know you are being witnessed all the time, by gods and goddesses, who can bless or reward you, and bring you to new levels.

This is one of the most true motivating factors I have experienced in playing out the human game, again, it is one that many ancient cultures based their civilisations upon.

I think it is something that we would do well to observe, and realise that we not just alone, and also that our fate is not just in our hands alone.

In these moments of surrender and devotion, arrogance disappears and you are just left with what you can give, what you can receive, how you can be, how you can relate. All else is then rendered obsolete.